Our nervous systems are under attack as well

Why is it so hard to actually stand up for yourself?

The protest went well. There are more cars honking and waving in support, which is encouraging. There are still many, many cars who do nothing, or look on bemusedly. Can you imagine if they don’t know what these protests are about or don’t think they matter? That is almost more terrifying to contemplate than the usual parade of generally black cars and trucks – there is a pattern – driven by men who resemble Jabba the Hut – or at the very least are shaped as though they were melting – who drive by and look at the line of people holding signs, their faces exhibiting contempt and anger. They throw the f you sign at the crowd. One man held up his beefy fist, finger extended, in front of his young son, who was in the passenger seat. I fear for these children, who hopefully haven’t lost their spark or curiosity, with parents who clearly are very unhappy. Is there a correlation between people who support the current president and his cohort of evil, and those who eat chemicals, imbibe chemicals, spread them on skin, lawn, carpet, pets? My upstairs neighbor, a supporter of the current regime, sprays something on her windows at night, the stench of which usually wakes me up. Fear of invasion?

The conundrum of a government that weaponizes fear, yet does all it can to insure that the people in this country – and sadly around the world, such is the reach of America – are less safe. There is the sudden opposition to vaccines and health care on the most basic level. The very ugly bill will remove healthcare from the neediest, and people forget that that population is not made up of work-shy grifters – a description which might be better applied to the current cabinet – but children and the elderly. The casual cruelty in the phrases that the maga politicians throw out is horrifying. But not as terrible as the report on the number of casualties from the demise of USAID – a horrific, insane number – 300k. They don’t care. They just don’t care. Don’t believe it? The security for the golf trips to Florida – 3.4 million each, conservative estimate. Birthday military parade, to try and match the other dictators – current estimate approximately 45 million. The budget for USAID was larger – but the rewards? Lives saved, influence overseas maintained, humanity continues. Or parades and golf. Like the cuts to medical research and grants for PhD students and research, one can only wonder the reckoning. Marie Antoinette may have been silly and naïve with her “let them eat brioche” comment. Perhaps not as bad as Jodi Ernst pretending that her constituents who were demanding no cuts to Medicaid/Medicare really meant to exhibit a naïve belief in eternal life. She said she didn’t want to bring up the tooth fairy, which she would explain to them slowly. Then she extorted them to find Jesus if they wanted eternal life. The level of cynicism is off the charts.

Standing by the side of the road, I held up my borrowed sign – this week – “Peace = Power” and waved at the cars. I think it helps. Waving reminds people you aren’t necessarily evil. You are a human, looking for humanity. As another car goes by, honking, you wonder if that isn’t what we are all looking for, drivers, protesters, even the angry men that yell “fuck you” to the crowd of mostly retired men and women who are doing something to try and save democracy. Humanity.

This week, someone bought pizza – many boxes! – for the group. A kind gesture. I’ve lived and worked here long enough to know that if a meeting has food, it’s serious. Someone pointed out the woman who did it, who didn’t draw any attention to herself. An older woman, blonde, another face that was taken out of the old photos, chiseled, smiling, neat, trim, unobtrusive, no nonsense. I’m glad that there is some money on the side of the people as well. Where are all the people with money who oppose this hateful group? Bruce Springsteen spoke about what was happening in this country, and his words flew around the world. More of this, more of the people with power and influence – not just the tech bros who seem to think everyone comes out of a video game. I read something that said Musk calls people he doesn’t like by some collection of letters that means they are not a main character. Sorry – I don’t remember, and I don’t want to. They think they run this world, and if we keep putting up with it, they will. One thing to adapt, another to comply. People with money don’t necessarily have better ideas, or more sense, but you’d be a fool to think that people with power and influence don’t have the power and influence to change things. Americans laugh at the love of royalty, then bow down before any billionaire who comes to destroy their lives. Irony having a very hard time keeping up.

But why is it so hard to push back against the bullies? Why don’t we feel that our needs matter, like health care, or housing, or not watching guys in scarves and jeans and a badge they bought online, tear families apart? One video I saw was of a mother that they were putting in handcuffs, outside her children’s school, sobbing bitterly – fearing – or knowing – that she might never see them again. Can you imagine that? Dragged away from your life? From your children? Or the ICE? DHS? something – coming to a NY Representative’s office, and putting a staffer – a woman – of course – they always are, aren’t they? – in handcuffs, claiming they were looking for rioters and she was obstructing them. We are getting very close to some kind of edge. Back at the protest, a woman went around advertising a new group, and telling people that a well-known lecturer in diffusing situations would be talking about what to do if something happened. If something happened. That’s the threat, isn’t it? That if we disobey just one step more, they will declare martial law.

So yes, protesting, on the last day of May, with pizza, went fairly well. The sense of community is something. But. One woman I spoke to said that her brother thought that Heather Cox Richardson was on the edge, dangerous, fringe. Then what must he think of his sister, out there on Route 1A, with her sign? I didn’t ask. That seemed personal.

But when will more people realize that this is not about political parties? This is a fight for humanity. A fight to be recognized as a main character, despite the fact that we don’t have the same wealth at our disposal to buy allies in positions of power. Why are we letting them ruin the earth? Why is it so hard to push back against the bullies and demand our space, our right to have a garden, not just to survive?

Abused. We are all abused by this system of uncaring. More than just a change of leadership is going to be necessary.